smoking lettuce. American blessings. // Auto-Tune the News #5

By Grover Koelpin 100 comments

The speech last year
in Berlin is only part of it… Wait a second, didn’t Barack Obrama
give this big speech in Cairo that the Middle East seemed to like? That’s… No, but I think
that’s exactly the problem. It’s not just the Berlin speech but
in Cairo he said: “Any world order…” He said: “Any world or–” Uh, I’m laying down a beat,
for you, keep going. Any world order that elevates
one nation over another will fall flat. Ah, snap! I think that goes against
the idea of American exceptionalism. Exceptional fast food
and exceptional dance moves. Most Americans believe that
this country was gifted by God, a blessed nation,
and that we are better. Yeah, we the promised land,
a sacred place, gettin blessed by Joe Biden from space!
(Ay!) God bless America! (Ay!) Gah-awd bless America! (Ay!) God bless, God God bless,
Goooood bless America!! (Ay-men!!!) Do you realize if you were
to take that lettuce, dry it, and roll it, and smoke it… I know, it tastes like goat shit. – You smoke your lettuce.
– Believe me, I’ve tried. You’re gonna end up
with similar problems than if you were smoking tobacco. I know, fo sho, you should try it
with tomato, burnin salad in my throat! Steve Buyer warning complacent Americans
about the risks of smoking lettuce. You can warn me all you want, but you’ll
never stop my leafy green fetish. It’s not the nicotine that kills!
It’s the smoooooke! The smooooooke. Cancers: it’s the smoke.
Heart disease: it’s the smoke. Respiratory disease:
it’s the smoooooooke! It’s the, it’s the inhalation,
it’s the smooooke, the smooooooke. If they wanna obtain
their nicotine, it’s okay. It’s the smooooooke,
the smooooooooooooke! The more produce we come across,
the more problems we see. Some companies say they’ve
received hundreds of applications for just a single opening. One man sent
a shoooooe to his prospective employer. Shawtayee, don’t you know
that Air Jordan was from meeee? I wore a long, white eyelet dress
and a floppy white hat and carried a walking stick. Oo-wee! Am I crazy,
am I trippin on shrooms? Or you singin bout pimpin
on the late night news? Katie Coo, baby boo,
you got swagga like a star. Don’t stop, real talk, we gon take it
to the charts! You can be… – Lady Gaga.
– I can be… – T-Pain.
– We can be… – Bringing on the boogie.
– Droppin rhymes like rain. – You can be…
– Lady Gaga. – I can be…
– T-Pain. Bringing on the boogie.
With floppy hats and pimp canes. We’ve got some breaking news. Let’s go to Tracy Burns,
she’s got all the news. Actually, Liz, I think you
wanna jump up to Robert. Tracy, baby, you crazy?
I don’t know what the hell’s goin on. Or where the camera belongs.
Let’s go to Nicole. – Me?
– Yeah, you. – Me?
– Baby boo. – Me?
– Whooo-ooooooooh. Me? Nicole don’t know;
let’s throw it to Joe. Uh, you know, I’m, uh,
tryna get a hold of this myself… Breaking news guys, um… I, I don’t have it, Liz, I have to
send it back down to you I’m afraid… Okay, that’s okay.
But the basics of it is… – Clearly, this is a fascinating story.
– Magical. That we’re gonna get all
into place in just a moment… As soon as we can get everything here. (bah bah bah… Ay!)
God bless America! (Ay!) Gah-awd bless America! (Ay!) Cancer: it’s the smoke.
Heart disease: it’s the smoke. Respiratory disease:
it’s the smoooooooke! It’s the, it’s the inhalation,
it’s the smooooke, the smooooooke. If they wanna obtain
their nicotine, it’s okay. It’s the smooooooke,
the smooooooooooooke!



Oct 10, 2015, 1:45 pm Reply

Thought the video series were banned due to political reasons. The most talented clips on youtube in my opinion come from these people.


Oct 10, 2015, 5:24 am Reply

I'd love an instrumental of this. The beat is good yes.


Oct 10, 2015, 8:04 pm Reply

Still the best one.

Brennan Merone

Oct 10, 2015, 12:25 pm Reply

IT'S THE SMOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dec 12, 2015, 4:27 am Reply

How is this 6 years old…

Greg Deocampo

Jan 1, 2016, 9:52 pm Reply

so good 🙂

Starbox Official

Jan 1, 2016, 12:08 am Reply

My first Schmoyo video

Kenny Malloy

Feb 2, 2016, 4:30 pm Reply

To THIS DAY the harmony part on "it's the smoooooke" during the C minor chord just astounds me. Never loses its magic, never will.

Its Trip

Feb 2, 2016, 6:48 pm Reply

Who's watching February 2016?


Feb 2, 2016, 11:09 pm Reply

This is property of The Living Tombstone.


Feb 2, 2016, 3:01 am Reply

This is owned by Tombstone now XD

Garrett Smith

Mar 3, 2016, 11:25 pm Reply


Wynnie M

Mar 3, 2016, 3:53 am Reply

Sometimes I'll still say "what the hells goin on?" to the tune of the line in this video, always one of my favorites!

Haley LeDisko

Apr 4, 2016, 11:04 am Reply

i just love how silly these guys are, these videos are the best


Apr 4, 2016, 7:47 am Reply

2016 and this is still better than most songs out there

J Truts

Apr 4, 2016, 6:17 pm Reply

God I love this one. Ay!!!

Lucía Vera

Apr 4, 2016, 6:20 pm Reply

wait.. so do americans really believe that they're a country gifted by god and that they're better?

Oscar Murcia

Jun 6, 2016, 8:14 pm Reply

This is actually even better in 0.5x speed

Christian Craftsman

Jun 6, 2016, 2:00 pm Reply

I remember more of this than actual news

Ashlee Johnson

Jul 7, 2016, 6:27 pm Reply


Siyabonga Africa

Aug 8, 2016, 12:40 pm Reply

I remember this from 09. Jeeze how time flies.


Sep 9, 2016, 2:06 am Reply

"cancers it's the smoke, fuck disease it's the smoke respiratory disease"


Oct 10, 2016, 12:29 am Reply

Damn YT was on another level back in the day…


Oct 10, 2016, 4:19 am Reply

I remember back when all youtube had was this and "how to be emo"

Jo-Jo Beans

Oct 10, 2016, 7:39 pm Reply

I remember watching this video 7 years ago, and occasionally I get the "it's the smooo-ooo-ooke" hook stuck in my head for random reasons. Glad I found this video again!

Morgan M

Oct 10, 2016, 5:11 am Reply

I know all the words to these STILL after all these years

Morgan M

Oct 10, 2016, 5:12 am Reply

I know all the words to these STILL after all these years

Soho Joe

Oct 10, 2016, 6:20 am Reply

2:35 "Nicole don't know, let's throw it to Joe" is a deeply satisfying phrase to say aloud.

Vishal Singh

Nov 11, 2016, 10:14 pm Reply

Why does 2009 feel like 1999? Oh yeah, the linear motion of time and space. Ugh.

Steven Vandevort

Nov 11, 2016, 1:41 am Reply

This one might be my fav

Channel 517

Feb 2, 2017, 3:20 am Reply

there music is actually good

Channel 517

Feb 2, 2017, 3:35 am Reply

i actually love their music tho that's what's crazy

nathan didlake

Mar 3, 2017, 2:39 am Reply

I like how you allowed the singing to really shine here. So fun to see these progress.

Benjamin Fish

Apr 4, 2017, 4:06 am Reply

Schmoyoho's harmonies are just so damn pleasing!


Apr 4, 2017, 1:51 am Reply

It's 2017 and still nothing has ever gone as hard as 1:52 to 2:18

Mike Wolf

Jun 6, 2017, 2:54 pm Reply

Gotta say this is a great video. Love the Biden blessing segment, love the Katie Couric segment, and I gotta say the eyebrows on Evan are just captivating when he sings, especially during the vocal runs before throwing it to Joe. So expressive! And is it me or when he says bom bom bom after taking a bite out of the lettuce he has a look of terror on his face?

Jimmy Catalina

Nov 11, 2017, 11:17 pm Reply

Bring back senator Junkie Einstein

Zach M.

Nov 11, 2017, 5:06 pm Reply

nine years later and still the best one

Akanio Tevanos

Dec 12, 2017, 7:24 pm Reply

I found this song on FFR XD Really fun 😀

Reginald Greene

Dec 12, 2017, 4:33 pm Reply

All you retards from 2010 are smoking lettuce and here I am in 2017 smoking dat cabbage. Eat shit, past-losers.

Darth Revan

Dec 12, 2017, 6:13 am Reply

Nicole don't know lets throw it to Joe

Richard Willis

Jan 1, 2018, 9:33 pm Reply

this is a jam


Jun 6, 2018, 3:47 pm Reply

Just epic. Makes me so happy to watch.

Will Smyser

Jul 7, 2018, 1:58 am Reply

Still my favorite news songification.

Dota heaD

Jul 7, 2018, 12:47 am Reply



Aug 8, 2018, 12:32 pm Reply

God I wish I was that smoo00o00o00ooke….


Aug 8, 2018, 7:41 pm Reply

Revisted this one again! It's my favorite ATN. I needed this today


Oct 10, 2018, 2:16 am Reply

Why is this one of the few things I remember verbatim?

Real Slim Bobby

Nov 11, 2018, 5:10 pm Reply

I haven’t seen this since it was uploaded almost 10 years ago and completely forgot what it was called, but here I am 9 years later and I finally found it 😂😂😂 Dry that lettuce, roll it, and smoke it


Nov 11, 2018, 10:30 pm Reply

Still bangs.


Nov 11, 2018, 5:35 pm Reply

Uh, did anyone else notice that when describing her outfit, Katie's voice dropped significantly in the mix? It wasn't like that in 2010.

Preston Davis

Nov 11, 2018, 11:42 pm Reply

its 2018 and its still not the nicotine that kills… its the smoke…


Nov 11, 2018, 1:47 am Reply

lettuce does kill… it turns out… you don't even have to smoke it

The Amazing Beanie-Man

Dec 12, 2018, 10:55 am Reply

It's the smOOOoooOOooke. The smOOOooke.

Star Shot

Dec 12, 2018, 12:36 am Reply

Here I am in 2018, visiting the past and loving every minute of it.


Jan 1, 2019, 1:49 am Reply

Still good in 2019.


Jan 1, 2019, 6:55 am Reply

Watching this again in 2019 and Still my favorite to this day


Jan 1, 2019, 11:34 pm Reply

You can be hanso
I can be T-pain
I'm already T-pain

Michael Plater

Jan 1, 2019, 3:04 am Reply

Just keep pressing 2

Sarah Jaynes

Feb 2, 2019, 2:31 am Reply

This has been in my head for too many years.


Feb 2, 2019, 9:28 am Reply

Shit the company who own Retardia (us) will probably just bulldoze the people and put up a starbucks and walmart on it.


Feb 2, 2019, 9:29 am Reply


Feb 2, 2019, 7:10 am Reply

(commenting on an almost 10 year old video)

honestly though that guy has a great point about tobacco. Chewing tobacco, cigarettes, pipe tobacco, it's all subjected to high temperatures that create carcinogens. Nicotine in it of itself is not that bad. This is why vapes aren't as bad as cigarettes.

Rett Field

Feb 2, 2019, 2:39 pm Reply

Memories lol

Andrew Rothman

Feb 2, 2019, 5:42 am Reply

This is still my jam, a decade later.


Feb 2, 2019, 9:23 pm Reply

this is almost 10 years old now.. and still a catchy tune!


Feb 2, 2019, 1:19 pm Reply

2019 anyone?


Mar 3, 2019, 5:44 pm Reply

It took me years but… but eventually comes out the guy was right. It's not the nicotine that kills. It really is "the smoke". I mean, it's actually the inhalation of what is produced from combustion.


Mar 3, 2019, 1:10 am Reply

0:42 If you need to recharge your Murican meter.


Mar 3, 2019, 11:30 am Reply

What the fuck did I just watch?

Eff Yiew

Mar 3, 2019, 11:44 pm Reply

Katie's voice going out of phase at 1:52 fucks my hearing up.

Dave Regan

Apr 4, 2019, 2:19 am Reply

9 years and I still keep coming back to watch this whenever I remember it. This video is a work of art. Magical.

boy boy2real

Apr 4, 2019, 4:41 pm Reply

You can warm me all you want but you’ll never stop my leafy green fetish

Cole Kiker

Apr 4, 2019, 9:25 pm Reply

Does anyone have a link to that last news clip where they couldn't find the breaking news? I really want to see that for myself

Daniel Butcher

Apr 4, 2019, 12:12 am Reply

This one and the geese on thin ice still go through my head.


Apr 4, 2019, 4:59 am Reply

still the best autotune the news after all these years


May 5, 2019, 11:36 pm Reply

Still catchy AF in 2019


May 5, 2019, 5:22 pm Reply

Joe Biden should use that God bless America bit in his new campaign

Greg Larson

May 5, 2019, 4:55 am Reply

"In 2012, Buyer started working for R.J. Reynolds, promoting the use of smokeless tobacco." Hmmmmm

Scott Smith

May 5, 2019, 9:19 pm Reply

I will play this song if Joe makes it as President.

Tolani Finley

Jun 6, 2019, 4:13 am Reply



Jun 6, 2019, 4:43 pm Reply

Biden would have won the debate if he'd just opened with the song


Jul 7, 2019, 9:24 pm Reply

this song was joe bidens best contribution to america.


Jul 7, 2019, 7:07 pm Reply

I still come back, after all these years. I guess my leafy green fetish never really dies ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Jul 7, 2019, 1:16 pm Reply

Today is the 10 year anniversary! (7/19/19)

jim haglund

Jul 7, 2019, 1:35 am Reply

joe bidens blessing still cracks me up…

Hayli Warburton

Aug 8, 2019, 2:42 am Reply

2019 and this song still gets stuck in my head. Freakin KILLS


Oct 10, 2019, 12:16 am Reply

i cant believe its been 10 years.

The Stig

Oct 10, 2019, 11:22 pm Reply

Back a full decade later, and still got EXCEPTIONAL FAST FOOD AND EXCEPTIONAL DANCE MOVES!

Reliably Radioactive Raven

Oct 10, 2019, 6:29 am Reply

Every year or so I randomly remember this song and just have to listen to it again😂


Oct 10, 2019, 11:29 am Reply

Jesus, this is still so fricking good! Katie Koo baby boo you got swagger like a star. I love it!


Oct 10, 2019, 3:03 am Reply

Wow. I remember being in middle school, being obsessed with ATTN (and schmoyoho as a whole), with this being my favorite of the ATTN series. Excitedly waiting for the newer ATTN episodes to come out. Seeing them go viral. Now I’m in med school and I still sing these to myself.

Phoenix Swanson

Oct 10, 2019, 7:03 am Reply

Thanks to vaping we now know that it’s definitely not the smoOoOoOke.

sorry mrgoogle

Nov 11, 2019, 1:13 am Reply

Better at erectile dysfunction, obesity, and violent crimes.

Milton Torres

Nov 11, 2019, 1:57 pm Reply



Nov 11, 2019, 6:06 pm Reply

the h3 podcast just reminded me of this channel

Worlds Hero

Dec 12, 2019, 1:33 am Reply

i could not die without this comment being made . This is so amazing


Dec 12, 2019, 7:11 pm Reply

I hope it’s auto tune but joe’s voice is so high


Dec 12, 2019, 7:11 pm Reply

Got an ad for tobacco free nicotine patches on this video lol

Phoenix Swanson

Dec 12, 2019, 3:44 am Reply

“It’s not the nicotine that kills, it’s the smoke.” Tell that to the high school kids who are skipping class to go vape.

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